Day 17

This is going to be a long post. It’s storyish. Just a warning. For those that “have homework to do.”

I know of quite a few people who avoid the light rail because they think it’s only for the crazies, or the homeless people, or the druggies, or the crazy homeless druggies. And I can say --that in general -- it is. But, I've heard some of the most interesting, thought-provoking things on the light rail. And every time I get off of it, I want to be a better person. 

Wait! Hold up, Haley. This is supposed to be about your struggle with the class material, why are you writing about the light rail? Oh, just be patient, there's class material somewhere in here. 

Sometimes while on the light rail, people talk to me.  However, I’m not much of a conversationalist, so it’s something of a stressful thing. I can pull off the charismatic stranger for a few minutes, but then I run out of things to say (small talk makes me uncomfortable).

Anyways, while headed back home from class today (via light rail), I decided to start writing my blog post. I can’t truthfully say that I was able to understand the assigned reading on Heidegger, some parts were identifiable, but it was, as a whole, hard to comprehend. Similar to having the television on while going in and out of sleep.

So this is what I had written in my notebook.  “I will say, and reasonably so, or at least justifiably so, that this post will instead of focusing on the readings, be primarily about the videos watched in class.” It was at this point in my notes that the person seated across from asked, “Are you writing poetry?”

Now, this is a nice thing to ask.

If only I was so cool as to be writing poetry while using public transportation.

I explain that they’re notes for a summer class. He asks what class, so I tell him,  and when asked, give an extremely vague definition of it. “It’s a way of thinking.” I realized afterwards that I should have been more specific because this is what I got as a response after an initial hesitation:

“I was thinking the other day – about a cognitive thought. Like, I don’t know how to explain it. A few thoughts make one cognitive thought, and the cognitive thought is like, the right way to think.”  And he was looking at me like he needed validation, and I didn't even know what he was talking about.  So I tried to demonstrate my understanding (or lack of) with an analogy, so I asked if it was like baking -- he puts thought ingredients in and it comes out as a cognitive cake. He laughed and said, “kind of, it’s just something I thought up on my own.”

Then he left and the person next to him who was listening to our conversation started sharing his deep thoughts, and then I looked around wondering if anyone else thought that the situation was really awkward.  

And I found another person intently listening to the conversation with shiny curious eyes almost like he was about to share his thoughts too!

If I wasn't in an extreme state of discomfort, I would  have probably thought that it was comical. I didn’t know what to say! I felt guilty like someone was going to call me out. 

“Who are you to listen to these thoughts?” Or something -- I don't know.  I just did the best I can. I felt like these people were treating me like I was a catholic priest during confession time, absolving them of their sins.

So all of this made me think about where I am in my life, where they are in there life, and if they were, or will ever be where I am, or if I will ever be where they are. And I felt so lucky, to be taking this class. 

Side note:

Solomon stated that near the end of his life Heidegger adopted the peasant life.  After realizing the authentic self, the end goal is embedding oneself into his roots and culture from which he originally came.  There is a possibility I misinterpreted that, or forgot what it was he actually said, but assuming that is in fact what he was explaining.

I imagined Heidegger telling his fellow “peasants” something similar to, “I just went on this intellectual journey, found my authentic self, and realized that in the end this is where I need to be.” And the peasants responding, “You should have talked to us first, we could have told you that before you went through all the trouble”

What. 

It's a nice thought, but at the same time frustrating.